Alpha Ideas

I was the better at getting and keeping,
   You were the better at spend and spend;
I was the better at grubbing and heaping,
   But who was the better man in the end?
Yes, who was the better man, my friend?
      Who was the better man?

You were the better with lords and ladies,
   I was the better at pillaging Troy;
You were the better at kissing the babies,
   I was the better at search and destroy.
But who was the better man, old boy?
   Who was the better man?
I was the better at improvisation,
   You were the better at spinning the plate;
I was the better at procrastination,
   You were the better at quiet debate.
But who was the better man, old mate?
   Who was the better man?

You were the better at rolling a reefer,
   I was the better with coke and rum;
Remember that night on the beach at Ibiza?
   The Maori twins with the tattooed bum?
So who was the better man, old chum?
   Who was the better man?

                            ***
Envoi
Now we come down to it, relatives grieving
   Out in the hall with their crocodile tears;
Now that you’re out of it, now that you’re leaving,
   Now that they’ve sealed your arse and your ears,
What I’ve been meaning to tell you for years,
   And years, and years, and years, old friend...
Is that you were the better man, in the end;
   You were the better man,
      My friend

-By Felix Dennis