You’re deep in love, his love is true,
He’s never met a girl like you,
And though I hope he never will,
My own advice is— take the pill.
And when you wed, you silly thing,
Demand a big fat diamond ring,
For when you’re old and fat and lame
A diamond loves you— just the same.
Though you might rather die if he
Died tragically at twenty-three,
Take my advice and while you’re calm
Get life insurance— where’s the harm?
Though hand in hand and side by side
You turn to face life’s rising tide,
And he loves you and you love him:
Take my advice— and learn to swim.
–wrote Felix Dennis